Life for a transsexual person can be tough. We are such a small population demographic that it is difficult to find someone who gets you. I now understand from first hand experience that transsexual people in smaller centres often lead a lonely, despondent life. Because of this, most transsexual people end up in larger communities.
My first experience with online romance happened several years ago in chat-rooms on AOL. The very first time I entered a chat-room I was mesmerized, I thought, “this is fantastic, what a great way to meet people”. Little did I know I was risking my emotional stability in my quest for online romance. I would soon learn that I had ventured into a virtual snake pit. Anonymity seem to give way to all manners of behaviors that you certainly would not get away with in every day life. It didn't take long for me to realize that chat-rooms were the favourite choice of liars, cheaters, junkies and thieves, not to mention every manner of bad boys and girls.
At the time I stumbled upon AOL I was living by myself in a not so populated part of the country. You cannot imagine how lonely I was! There was nobody in my community that I could relate to. I was becoming increasingly depressed. When I found AOL chat, it seemed to me that it was the answer to my prayers. Finally, a chance to meet someone that I had something in common with. I was willing to move anywhere for that.
Finding people to chat with was not any problem. I met many. Unfortunately I could not find someone who I thought was “the one”. At one point I was sure that I had found the one but I soon found out there’s a thin line between reality and fantasy.
I found that the online community had few of the rules that bound normal behavior. People lie about who they are or what they do all the time. Since you are at the end of a wire, nobody knows who you really are, so it is pretty safe to lie. It can bring out the best and the worst in a person. There are no cybercops to beat you with a stick if you lie or otherwise misrepresent yourself. Some people just cannot resist the freedom to feed other people with BS. There is almost no chance that you will ever be discovered, and even if you are, you will almost never be held accountable. For some people who have no scruples, it is just the undisciplined play area that they have always wanted.
People on chat rooms range from really nice to really hurtful. Depending on the person or their mood, they can leave you feeling elated, or just as often they can leave you feeling depressed. They can really rip your soul apart at times. On top of that, if you fall for someone you met on a chat-room and get hurt, you will likely blame yourself for being so gullible.
When seeking love online, you really have to keep your wits about you! I had the experience of being approached by quite a few people who acted like they were really interested in me. We seemed to have a lot in common and we would chat endlessly, sometimes for weeks. The funny thing was they would never ask to take the conversation to the phone, and of course I never insisted that we converse by phone, instead I would let these chats go on and on. I wasted a lot of time chatting with these people.
I decided that I was being strung along very often. I decided on running each new acquaintance through a list of communications hurdles that they had to overcome early on. I used the guideline of one week of chatting as being the introductory period. If I was still interested in taking it further, I would insist that at least some communications happen by phone. This proved to be a good way of getting rid of the jetsam before I got too emotionally involved.
I was flabbergasted at how many people simply vanished into cyberspace when I forced the telephone issue. If you want to really know someone, telephone is a better mechanism than chat. For one thing, if it is the same person with different names, you will pick up on that pretty quickly. If they are lying, people are more adept at picking up liars when speaking than when typing. If they don't want to talk to you by phone then they're just wasting your time and nothing will come of it.
Because chatting is a fairly recent phenomena and you have been talking all your life, you are much better at picking up verbal clues. You will be better able to delve into the personality of the person over the phone than on chat. One thing about a telephone conversation is that they can only talk to one person verbally at a time. If the person is on a chat room, it is nothing to keep several conversations going at once.
I was really getting disenchanted with chat room romances.A friend suggested trying an online dating site. I ranted at him about how stupid online sites were and how you cannot trust anyone. But he surprised me by saying that it was not a free chat site, but a paid dating site. People put profiles in and the computer actually helped you to find compatible matches. The best thing is that because you have to pay for your account, people tend to only be there if they are serious about starting a new relationship! My God, I almost flipped! I had no idea they even existed. He gave me a link to hundreds of dating sites, including a page of transsexual dating sites.
Well let me tell you had it worked out. I tried signed up to a couple of transvestite dating sites and found the person of my dreams. If online dating sites can work for me, they can work for anybody!