I communicated with a guy online that a friend of mine had given my messenger address to, we chatted for about two months. We finally decided to meet for lunch one day as a way to see if anything more would develop. He lived about an hour and a half away from me so it was quite a drive to my apartment. Imagine my surprise when he showed up in an old truck. We are not talking “classic car” here, we are talking JUNKER. My loser detector went on full alert!

When I opened the door for him, I was in for more disappointment. He looked like he just came from a construction site, he was completely unkempt and his clothes were dirty, dusty and smelly. He insisted that I drive, and when I got in and saw a gaping hole in the passenger floor boards, I understood why.

We decided to go to an Chinese buffet. It was nice and the food was quite tasty. Things seemed to be looking up a bit, but that was short lived.  After complementing me, he launched on a diatribe of how he was missing three toes on one foot after playing with his dad's loaded rifle as a child. As if that would somehow endear him to me. He then went on to tell me that he didn't really have a job and that he lied about having one so I would go out with him. He said he was about to lose his house that I found out wasn't a house at all but a friend's garage. He then told me he had no job prospects, no money and he knew he was not too attractive. He sobbed and cried hysterically saying if I didn’t want him he was going to shoot off the toes on his other foot. What could I do but just pat his hand and tell him to be patient that there is someone out there for him and that things will work out for him eventually. He paid for lunch and then he took me back to my apartment.

He told me he had a gift for me in the truck and said he hoped that yellow was my favourite color. I told him it was and he seemed pleased as he raced away. I stood there wondering what in the world could he have bought me that was yellow. Well I soon found out. I was totally stunned when he returned with his yellow gift. A bunch of bananas for crying out loud. I was completely speechless. He then proceeded to tell me he had to spend the night because he had had a little too much to drink and didn’t want to get caught driving. I lost it and screamed at him to get out. I was desperate to get him out so I did the first thing that came to mind. I attacked him with my bananas, hurling them at him until he backed up into the hall, then I slammed the door! He continued pounding on my door saying let me in. I told him to take his bananas and go or I would call the police; so he left.

It was the most expensive date I have ever been on. I felt compelled to move, and change my messenger id and email address. My friends know better than to give out my information to casual acquaintances anymore.

I think I will join a dating site, hopefully one that doesn’t have any banana toting sex pots.

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